I am now at day 52, or is it 53 of Whole30-who’s-even-counting-anymore when you are nearing Whole60? Several people who have never tried Whole30 have politely inquired if I am planning to stop this silly form of eating, consider attending a Whole30-Anonymous session, share something to the likes of “I have gone 52 days without eating toxic chemicals masquerading as food” to a hearty round of applause and nods before being assigned a buddy to help slowly wean me off of cauliflower and broccoli.
Anonymous Inquirer (AI): But you are so limited — what about pizza?
Me: I can eat cauliflower crust pizza with fresh tomatoes and –
AI: That’s not pizza. What about treats, like chocolate –
Me: Oh, I got that — just found a new recipe for dates, cacao and hazelnuts – put it in the food processor and, oh, it’s just incredible…
AI: Are you even listening to yourself? Have you seen our refreshments? Go grab yourself some cake…
Me: opening a refrigerated Yeti cooler Oh, don’t worry about me. I bring my own food where-ever I go…
AI and friends without a word get up and head toward the refreshments: the 3 C’s — Cake, Cookies and diet Coke..
Me: Wait! Can’t we talk about this? I’ve got other recipes… Don’t you want to hear about how well I can bend my knees? Did I tell you my teeth are whiter? Hey, come back!
On the other hand, when encountering Whole30 practitioners, it doesn’t matter how well you know the person whom you are speaking. A high level of bodily sharing is expected.
Me: Standing at checkout and looking at the grocery cart behind me, noticing 5 cartons of eggs, 4 packages of bacon, 2 heads of cauliflower, 6 pounds of spinach, 10 pounds of grape tomatoes… Whole30?
Random-Person (RP): Yeah. He stares at my cart, 4 large bags of sweet potatoes, 2 bags of brussel sprouts, 12 zucchinis, and 10 summer squash. You too, huh?
Me: Oh yeah. On my second month. And, you?
RP: I’ve been doing this for 6 months.
Me: Really? You must feel pretty good?
RP: You bet. I’m so much calmer now.
Me: I wiped ‘good to know’ off my lips. How are your joints?
RP: Like a 20 year old. The man bent down and pulled out a sack of potatoes. Do you want to see me do some squats while holding 25 pounds of potatoes.
Me: Looking around at people pretending to stare at their smartphones Sure, I guess no one would mind.
The man dropped to the floor, and bounced back up with a jump before dropping back down to another squat.
RP: Do you want to try?
Me: I dunno. I’m only on day 52.
RP: But your knees are working, right?
Me: Oh yeah, better than ever.
RP: Well, go on now, and he made room between our carts.
I demo’d a deep squat.
RP: Wow. Day 52, huh? That’s good. Real good. How’r your nails?
…We continued comparing notes, waiting for each other to ring out before walking out the store together wheeling our jumbo carts loaded with produce and protein. Just another day of sharing body-improvements with Whole30-mates without once considering the notion of TMI.